I’ve hated. Won. Lost. Been on the receiving and giving end of second chances. Held grudges. Cut people off. Caused myself physical harm. Misunderstood. Loved. Gotten into arguments. Yelled. Made a fool of myself. Sat back and laughed as others have made a fool of themselves trying to get a reaction out of me….all because of the F word….
Yep, I have done all of these things and more because of a simple word we all know….Forgiveness. We all know it’s right to forgive. It’s therapeutic to forgive. It’s beneficial to forgive. But is it ever easy to forgive? In some instances yes, but most times NO. When we’re in the heat of the moment of anger, hurt or pain, forgiveness is the last thing we think about. And sometimes, even if we do forgive quickly, we want to hold on to the anger just a little bit longer so we don’t look weak to the other person…SMH, lol. Sad to say, but it’s true. Think about the last time you got really angry at someone, and then think about how long it took for you to forgive them, or vice versa. Chances are, there was a time gap there that shouldn’t have been.
Last week, I posted a new poem I wrote called “Forgo Forgiveness”. I realized I was holding on to something that happened months ago and the feelings had resurfaced. I wanted to capture that raw emotion we feel when we become upset. This is the time when forgiveness is on the back burner and retaliation is at the forefront. At this point there’s almost no use in talking someone into a forgiving mindset, because they’re probably not thinking straight….and you’ll just end up getting hurt/upset in the process (sometimes it’s best to leave broken glass on the floor…). Who do you need to forgive today? What are you holding on to because you never got that apology you thought you deserved? Has everyone else forgiven you and you’re the only one left to forgive? Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Seek forgiveness, whatever the case may be….even if it’s from yourself. And if you don’t get the forgiveness or apology you desire? It’s not the end of the world….just live in the way you want to be treated. Living in a state of not forgiving primarily hurts you and not who you’re mad at.
Check out my poem, “Forgo Forgiveness”…..
I’m going to forgo forgiving you
It takes too much energy to smile and
Fake and laugh in your face
And take a deep breath…
When I really want to punch you
Like the poster child of
Every blood boiling moment
I’ve ever had rolled into one…fist
Make that two
When I think of you
I’m forgoing forgiving you
My stomach churns just to look at you
And the sweetest medicine
Is watching you suffer
Oh don’t look at me and point your fingers
Many of you bathe in this same acid
The ph balance of your soul is off kilter
So when you cleanse your self
And make it out unscathed
Then come tell your truth
Until then I’ll forgo forgiving you too
Oblivious to the fact that you’ve moved on
While I’m still stuck here holding
On to jagged, crusty edges of memories
That only pierce my existence
Until I resemble a honey comb
Holy, but not full of praise
You are worthy and I am out of place
Out of touch with reality
And missing the clear picture
Forgiveness ain’t all about the listener
We must not forgo the element
That pertains to the speaker
Peauxetic Expressions 